Last week was Father’s Day, and I had some time to think about this day and what it means to me as a mother, a wife, a daughter. I had a chance to reflect on the life I was given versus the life I have decided to create for myself, as well as for my children.
I personally do not have much of a relationship with my own father. As a child, I had trouble connecting with him so when I was old enough to decide if I wanted to see him or not, I chose not to. As an adult, I tried to mend that relationship, but when it doesn’t feel reciprocated back, at some point, I had to let go for my own well-being.
I knew from a young age that this is not the relationship I would want my children to have with their father. No matter what would potentially happen between me and him, I knew I wanted the relationship to be cordial for the sake of the children. I wanted them to have the relationship with their father that I didn’t have. Because as an adult, I’m trying to heal from a lot of damage that not having a relationship with my father has caused me.
I definitely didn’t plan for that decision to come at the young age of 15. I was really hoping the nausea was an early symptom of swine flu since that’s what Mike had. But the doctor said no, gave me a look, and I went home and took a pregnancy test that came back positive faster than I could blink. I was terrified to say the least. The family I had always dreamed about having, the life I wanted my children to have, just went right out the door. Because there was absolutely no way in hell this 15-year-old boy was going to stick around.
To my surprise, Mike was the first one to speak up and say, “I want us to keep the baby.” I was hesitant, skeptical even. I’ve seen all the 16 and pregnant episodes. I’ve seen how this will end. Looking back 12 years later, boy was I wrong.
I picked the guy who steps up to the plate. I picked the guy who was determined to make this work. I picked the guy who didn’t let anyone’s opinions sway him. He remained confident in his abilities. He walked down the school halls with me. He almost got in a fight defending me. He got a job. He stayed in school. He went to the doctor’s appointments. He was there every minute of delivery. He held our baby girl in his arms. He fed her, changed her, and rocked her to sleep. He got up with her in the middle of the night. He went to all the baby check-ups. He was there for all the milestones. He helped throw birthday parties. He took care of his little girl. He took her to daycare. He watched her when I needed a break (like any dad should). He taught her how to ride a bike. He went to all her sporting events. And wiped her tears when she cried. He put a roof over our head when we 19. He continued to provide for his family. He got her things she wanted without spoiling her too much. He was the fun, embarrassing dad who always made her laugh. He got us a house when the second baby was on the way. He was so excited for his little boy; He cheered so loud in the ultrasound room. We closed on our house 3 weeks before the due date, but he got everything over to the new place simply because that’s what I wanted. He was there for every minute of delivery for this baby, too. He still got up in the middle of the night. He helped feed, change, and rock the baby to sleep. He stayed strong for all of the medical issues, never missing an appointment, and being there when it truly mattered.
And just think: that’s only a glimpse of the amazing father he is.
Our relationship is very unique. We’ve had conversations I think people are afraid to have. One of those being what happens if we were to split up. Not because we think this will happen, we don’t, but we didn’t plan for anything in our life, and we aren’t about to start now. We talked about what we want that picture to look like, should it happen. After all, this is something that would greatly impact our kids. We agreed we would want to still be friendly. We would both still go to events for the kids, we would both still want to be there for them. Because they are who matters in this. Maybe that’s easier said than done, but having those shared values is part of what makes our relationship so great and so strong.
I caught a good one. And for some reason, he’s choosing me too.
I got one thing right: my kiddos have a dad who would do anything for them, their mom, and the people he loves.
